I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to heal, and while I am absolutely no expert in the matter, and healing looks different for everyone…here is one thing I do know:

Healing isn’t linear.

Healing will break you down, and lift you up. Over and over and over again.

This saying means, quite literally, that the journey is not a straight line, and it’s not something that happens quickly. It’s a journey up a steep mountain top, with high highs and low lows. Some days you’ll feel like you’re at the top of that mountain and others you feel like you’ve crashed back down to the ground. That’s OK. It’s all part of the difficult, scary process. Whether you are healing from a lost loved one, heartbreak, miscarriage, illness, childhood trauma…we are ALL healing from something, even when we don’t necessarily want to be or feel like we know how.

This post was meant to inspire you to not give up. Keep going.

Soon after I lost my sister, I also went through the most painful break up. Just when I thought I started to see a hint of light after she passed, I was immediately thrust back into the darkness. To lose two people I loved in such a short time, was truly devastating, and I began to spiral into an even darker place.

And the journey I have been on in the past year, has been ANYTHING but linear.

I’ve had days where everything reminds me of my sister, and him. And it’s all consuming. There’s been days I’ve hated myself. Hated God. And hated this unfair life I had been dealt.

One of the steepest parts of my journey so far, has been the change in my relationship to alcohol. I will definitely dive deeper in a later post, but after giving up alcohol for some time to honor my sister, I decided to let it back in..live a little. I’ve blacked out on multiple occasions since her passing and those were the lowest of my lows. I felt I’ve dishonored Jacki in some ways by giving into the very crutch that harmed her so, while also feeling completely out of control in my self. And sad. And scared.

I’ve felt unlovable. I’ve felt abandoned. I’ve felt alone. I’ve cried. I’ve laughed. I’ve been angry. I’ve been sad. I’ve taken my emotions out on the people closest to me, undeservingly so. I’ve had days where I can’t concentrate or perform at work.

But then I have days where my future is so clear, and everything feels good. I feel my sisters presence around me. I feel safe.  I’m more determined in my job and on my life path than ever before. I have days and moments where I know Jacki is okay. She’s better than okay. And that I will mend this broken heart. Some days I really lean into the notion that everything happens for a reason. And then a song plays that reminds me of her. And a photo memory pops up on my phone of him. And back down I fall. The cycle repeats.

I’m here to tell you that, that dark dark hole, gets just a little less dark each time you fall. So how do you begin to navigate this fucked up journey up what feels like a never ending mountain?

Practice Self Compassion

It’s so important to acknowledge your pain and suffering, while also being kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. This can help us to overcome setbacks, learn from our mistakes, and move forward with a sense of purpose, and more self love. I’ve worked very, very hard at self-forgiveness in the last year. Each day when I wake up and look at myself in the mirror, I remind myself that I am healing and that this means the pain is real, this journey is MESSY, but this too shall pass and I will be okay. That I need to keep going. For my family. For myself.  Because as I’ve said in my previous post, I have to honor my sister’s life, by living.

Find and Lean On a Good Support System

I know how isolating the journey can be. I also know how important it is to find a good support system that can provide guidance and emotional support when you need it most.  I’ve been extremely fortunate in that I have an incredible family, solid group of friends, my dog Hulk, and a therapist I trust. I’ve been able to lean on different people at different times for different things. I found the most comfort in a grief group last fall; I can’t begin to explain how important that group of people has been in my journey. This is a group of people that just (unfortunately) gets it. They don’t feel uncomfortable with the topic because they too are living it.

So It’s important to reach out to people who you trust and who can offer you emotional support. Consider joining a support group (in person or virtual), because talking to others who have experienced similar things can be healing in itself. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help. These people are trained to help you work through your emotions. I’ve included quite a few support groups/organizations/etc. on the blog’s Resources page which I’ve also linked at the bottom of this post.

Just know that in your healing process, you will learn who you can lean on. And I hope you find comfort and support in the community here as well.

Take Care of Yourself

Healing for me has been a journey of self-discovery. Losing someone so close, at such a young age, can really shift your perspective on life and onto what truly matters. Where, what and who you should focus your energy on slowly becomes clearer than ever before. In the last year, I’ve prioritized my physical, mental and emotional health in ways I never have before. I find the most joy in spending time with loved ones. I try to minimize my screen time and am more present when I am with them. I’ve become grounded in a daily wellness ritual, and implemented healing practices such as meditation, acupuncture, and red light therapy for extra support. So find those daily practices that ground you. Find those things that give you purpose. And find those things that bring you as much joy as possible.

This journey may not look like what we want it to, but just remember; Every day you take a breath, you are healing. Every moment you choose love instead of anger, you are healing. Every time you forgive yourself for being imperfect, you are healing. There will be moments when self-love feels like too much work. There will be times when forgiveness seems impossible because your heart has been broken too many times before. There will be moments of rage and hurt that bleed onto the ones closest to you. This ‘journey’ we call healing, is really a process of learning how to love yourself in ways you never knew were possible before. It’s about learning how to let go of old patterns that no longer serve you, and embracing new ways of being in this world as we grow.

If you are interested in support groups, information or additional tools, please visit the Resources page within the Daily Revival site here.  RESOURCES PAGE

Remember bad days will happen. And bad days will pass. Keep going. You got this.