In all of our healing journeys, both the ultimate goal, and struggle, is in finding true happiness again. Despite what you’ve experienced, or who you might have lost, it might not feel like you’ll ever have that again.

When we are in pain…when grief and loss suffocate us, our perceptions on life and priorities shift. What brought us happiness before, might not bring us happiness now. It may seem counterintuitive at first glance; If your life has changed so dramatically and everything is so different from before, why would the places and things you’ve always found happiness in change as well? It actually makes sense when we think about how much of our identity was tied up in our relationships with other people, especially those who have passed away, or tied up in whatever it is you’ve lost, or are aching for in your dark time.

I know personally I’ve struggled with true happiness, probably my whole life, but significantly after my losses last year. These life blows  forced me to reevaluate what’s important in my life, which have lead to new opportunities and (slowly becoming) a better version of myself. I’ve learned to listen to my heart, and do what brings me real joy. Most importantly, I live my life with more gratitude.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from other people who have gone through loss similar to mine, it’s this; There is always a way forward. There is always a path toward finding happiness again. And if you’re willing to explore new paths, and let go of old ones, happiness will find its way back into your life.

For me, I’ve just started creating my new happiness. It looks a hell of a lot different than it did last year, or the years prior. But I’m here to tell you, its possible.

I wanted to share (3) of my favorite TED talks that can help you see things from a different perspective—and maybe even help inspire you to take action on something that’s been holding you back for too long.

Brene Brown – The power of vulnerability

Brené Brown studies human connection—our ability to empathize with one another, to love and be loved. Her research has taught her that our instinctual need for connection is stronger than we realize, and that we can only achieve true happiness when we embrace vulnerability by opening ourselves up to love and belonging.

“There’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this.  This is what I found … to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, the vulnerable side, to love with our whole hearts even thought there’s no guarantee, and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent that it’s excruciatingly hard, to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of a kind of terror when we’re wondering can I love you this much, can I believe in this as passionately, can I be this fierce about this, just to be able to stop, and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, ‘I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive, … and the last, which I think is probably the most important … is to believe that we’re enough.  Because when you work from a place, I believe, that says ‘I’m enough’, then ……we stop screaming and start listening, we kindler and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves. “

Robert Waldinger – What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

In the 1930s, Harvard University began the longest study on human happiness. They invited 19-year-old sophomores from Harvard as well as teenagers from the poorest neighborhoods of Boston to participate. For over 75 years, they did interviews, medical tests, and followed up with their subjects every two years to see how they were doing and feeling. Rober Waldinger is the fourth director of the study. In his TED talk, he says that while many young people tend to think that fame, fortune, and hard work will bring them happiness, it’s actually our social connections that are most important for our well being.

“The good life is not always just out of reach after all. It is not waiting in the distant future after a dreamy career success. It’s not set to kick in after you acquire some massive amount of money. The good life is right in front of you, sometimes only an arm’s length away. And it starts now.”

BJ Miller – What really matters at the end of life

At the end of our lives, what do we most wish for? For many, it’s simply comfort, respect, love. BJ Miller is a hospice and palliative medicine physician who thinks deeply about how to create a dignified, graceful end of life for his patients. This talk asks big questions about how we think on death and honor life.

 “Parts of me died early on, and that’s something we can all say one way or another. I got to redesign my life around this fact, and I tell you it has been a liberation to realize you can always find a shock of beauty or meaning in what life you have left, like that snowball lasting for a perfect moment, all the while melting away. If we love such moments ferociously, then maybe we can learn to live well – not in spite of death, but because of it.”

You should be proud for showing up for yourself. For listening to others speak on topics that might make so many others uncomfortable when forging a path to self-happiness. You are worthy of happiness. I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud to walk along side you as we find that happiness again, together.